PERMISSION TO STOP THE ‘SHOULD’S + THE OVERTHINKING
Your baby isn’t the problem. The sleep training industry is.
Attachment-focused support to help you trust your instincts, understand what's actually going on for your baby, and find your way through this stage without sleep training.
Somewhere along the way, someone convinced you that your baby needing you was a problem.
But it wasn't. And it still isn't.
It probably started before your baby was even born… A book telling you never to let them fall asleep while feeding, or you'd "create a habit." Family telling you to put them down more, so they don't get "used to" being held. Someone insisting they need to be left so they could learn to self-settle, as if that's a skill a baby's brain is actually capable of. That crying it out is good for their lungs. That they should always eat, play, sleep. That you need to be ensuring "full feedings," on the clock, whether they're hungry or not.
Blah, blah, blah.
None of it is really about your baby. It's about making a brand new, needy, entirely normal human more convenient, and easier to manage.
And perhaps it starts so early, and comes from so many different sources, that you don't know what to believe. You're so worried about getting things "wrong" that you spend your time tracking, panicking, trying to force things to be "just right", rather than really being in the journey and seeing the unique baby in front of you.
And none of this is your fault.
As soon as you can really believe that sleep isn't a skill to teach, and isn't a test you can fail, something starts to shift. It’s not our job as parents to not “make” sleep happen. It's something that will happen on its own when the conditions are right - once your child feels safe, comfortable, and their needs are actually being met. So when it's not coming easily, that's not proof something's wrong with your parenting. It's either completely normal for their age and stage, or it's them telling you something might need to be tweaked or looked into.
How I look at sleep
Most traditional sleep support starts and ends in the same place: your baby's behaviour. Ie. What they / you are doing ‘wrong’, and how to “fix” it.
But that’s not how I see things.
I start with the view that your child is a wonderful, complete, unique human - who deserves to be seen and respected as such. And the very first step is refocusing and shifting your perspective.
01 / UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHILD
Your child is unique. Their needs are unique. And my approach is deeply rooted in respecting them, and really getting to know them rather than applying broad averages and expectations.
Understanding who they actually are: their temperament, their particular challenges, what winds them up and what settles them means you can start to understand how to work with, rather than fighting against them.
02 / THE POWER OF CO-REGULATION
Our nervous systems are deeply intertwined with our baby’s. And if you are running on stress, adrenaline, fear and panic, they are going to feel this! So a huge part of this work is helping you to find your way. Trust yourself. Tune out the noise, and reach a more comfortable, calm baseline. Looking after yourself IS looking after your baby. Your rest, your energy, your wellbeing, your patterns and triggers... A regulated, resourced parent is one of the biggest things that helps a child feel safe + settled.
03 / KNOWING WHAT’S NORMAL
A huge piece of this puzzle is education: understanding what is truly normal and expected from a child at each age and stage of development (rather than what the sleep training world tells us we should be seeing) can help to lift a weight off your shoulders.
Here, we start questioning the 'shoulds', shutting out the harmful noise, quitting the tracking and obsessing and second guessing so you can relax into your role and focus on the baby in front of you.
04 / KNOWING WHEN SOMETHING NEEDS A CLOSER LOOK
Feeding challenges, discomfort, "colic," sensory challenges, real distress... Often these things can get waved away instead of investigated, so knowing who to turn to and how to advocate for yourself and your baby is really key.
Whilst I am never able to diagnose, I can help you to understand where to turn and which next steps may be supportive.
05 / THE BASICS
Of course we will also cover all of the sleep basics: taking a closer look at your routines, wake windows, timings, environment etc. to see if any tweaks could be made to support you and your little one. Yes, this is important, but it's often not going to tell us the whole story!
HEY, I’M KATIE
The mum friend who you can trust to hear you & hold you through the toughest of sleepless spells. Who knows first hand how torturous the sleep deprivation feels - and who can share real, honest, evidence based + nervous system informed advice to help you get through it (think practical, actionable advice, with a healthy bit of ‘woo’).
Who is here to help you get more sleep - whilst supporting you to continue responding to your little one’s needs.
And who will never, ever tell you that you need to leave your little one to cry in order to “teach” them something.
My little boy never loved to sleep… I spent an unimaginable number of hours searching for answers, desperately trying to figure out WHY he was waking every 20 minutes (like… literal torture!?)
But I couldn’t seem to find any real answers. Only people telling me to leave him to cry so he could figure things out for himself. And I just knew in my bones that no matter how bad things were, this just wasn’t something I could do, or that felt ‘right’.
So when I started to come out of the other side of the dark, sleep-deprived tunnel, I knew I just HAD to deepen & solidify the knowledge I’d gained by training to help others in this situation.
So here I am…!
YOU DON’T WANT TO LET THEM CRY-IT-OUT - BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO JUST WAIT-IT-OUT
Get some Support
MY HOPE FOR YOU IS…
Less feeling like you're getting it all wrong. More trust. More enjoyment. More of actually knowing your own child.
As a new parent, it's almost impossible not to be bombarded by advice that makes you feel like you're failing. That your tiny new person needs to be taught how to sleep. That routines and schedules are non-negotiable. That you mustn't create "bad habits."
As if being responsible for a whole new human being wasn't stressful enough.
My own mental health hit an all-time low in the eighteen months after becoming a mum, and my son's sleep was a huge part of that. Which is exactly why I care so much about telling the truth about infant sleep. And not the sanitised, sellable, comfortable version.
So much of what I do isn't about analysing your sleep diary and rewriting your bedtime routine (though yes, we'll do that too!). It's realigning what you expect with what's actually biologically and developmentally normal, rather than what's convenient. Understanding your child's temperament and working with it, not against it. Giving you permission to do the things that make your life easier right now, without fearing you're storing up problems for later.
So much of this is out of your control. But some of it isn't: nourishing your body, protecting your energy, supporting your own nervous system. Looking after yourself is looking after your baby. I know that's easier said than done when you're running on empty. So I’m not here to add things to your list so that you can feel like you’re failing at them…! But teeny changes do add up. A better breakfast. Ten minutes outside. One thing off your plate…
I'm not going to sit here and tell you the sleepless nights aren't hard as F. Because they are. But feeling like you're failing your baby on top of it all makes everything so much harder than it needs to be.
So together we find the middle ground. Let's look at what's actually going on for your family, and work out together how to make things feel more manageable and possible. Without sleep training.
TESTIMONIALS
Parents like you are saying…
LIZ, MUM TO 6 MONTH OLD IN LONDON.
“Through Katie’s support both me and my baby are sleeping better and mine and my husband’s evenings feel far less stressful! Katie helped me to push bedtime with my co-sleeping baby back so evenings are less time-pressured, drop a daytime nap, have her sleep in longer, and also let go of so many ideas around what I ‘should’ be doing. When you’re in the thick of the sleep-deprived haze, having an expert supporting you is invaluable!! Katie is full is wisdom and has a lot of personal experience. She’s so warm and caring and works with you to find the best solutions for your family.”
SUS, MUM TO 2 YEAR OLD IN BATH
“Katie has a very gentle, nurturing approach. She eased my worries and supporting me to trust my gut, and not to listen to the ‘noise’. We followed her tips and guidance and very quickly were all getting much more sleep, without any need for cry it out / stressful bedtime situations.
Katie was so reassuring too, which as an anxious mother was well received. Katie has first hand experience and knowledge and is truly wonderful.”
ELEANOR, MUM TO 8 MONTH OLD IN BRISTOL
“Katie is such a breath of fresh air within the infant-sleep world - she deeply respects the biological need for nurture within the mother-baby dyad. Her approach is genuinely ‘holistic ’ - it’s not simply used as a buzzword. I felt she really assessed my family as a unique situation, and offered tailored, thoughtful, and very useful advice, rather than dishing out cookie cutter recommendations. I would definitely feel comfortable referring friends and family to her.”
Get in touch
Unsure which support option is right for you? Drop me an email to ask any questions you have about working together.
Questions?
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I will never suggest or recommend that you leave your baby or toddler to cry. I fully advocate for parents supporting their children to sleep in whatever way and for however long they desire to do so.
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Yes! I believe that most (if not all!) parents will end up sleeping with their baby at some point, whether intentionally or not. So I am a big believer in the value of learning how to safely co-sleep.
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In simple terms, Somatic coaching uses the body's natural wisdom instead of focusing on thoughts from the mind. It helps you become more aware of your physical feelings and emotions, making it easier to handle stress and reactions to different situations.
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I've got just the blog post for you! Read my toddler bedtime battles post.