Solving Toddler Sleep Struggles
Has your toddler’s bedtime become a battlefield? Have they started waking again at night? Are you wondering if you’ll ever get a good night’s sleep again?!
First of all — take a deep breath!
You’re not alone, and more importantly, you’re not failing. Toddler sleep struggles are incredibly common (they just aren’t talked about quite as much as baby sleep struggles!) and, while exhausting, they’re a very normal part of development.
Let’s dive into the most common challenges and how you can support your small person through them.
Why has my toddler’s sleep gone to sh*t?!
Just when you thought you’d nailed the whole sleep thing, your toddler starts waking up at night, refusing bedtime, or generally making the nights feel chaotic!
Around 18 months - 2 years, you might see sleep ‘regress’ as little one’s brain and body goes through some pretty major changes. They’re learning new skills, testing boundaries, and figuring out the world – which can, unfortunately, mean less sleep for everyone!
Add in things like teething, starting childcare, nursery bugs, the arrival of a new sibling — and you’ve got the perfect recipe for disrupted nights. The good news? This won’t last forever (even if it feels like it right now), and your little one has not ‘forgotten’ how to sleep..!
How to manage these ‘regressions’:
Aim to stick to a consistent bedtime routine to create some certainty + security amidst the chaos. You may like to involve your toddler in designing their bedtime routine to help them feel a little more in control of what is happening.
Respectful yet firm boundaries my become more necessary when they realise they can start to push against them! Reminder - you can gently and lovingly hold a boundary, even if it causes some tears. Supporting your little one through the emotion is NOT the same as leaving them to cry on their own!
Offer lots of extra opportunities for connection + reassurance, especially if your toddler is suddenly clingy or more emotional.
Read my previous blog about ‘regressions’ to shift your beliefs around them and adjust your expectations accordingly! These stages are tough, but they are a time of growth and progression. In time you’ll all find your rhythm again.
What’s actually normal?
If you’ve found yourself googling “Why does my toddler keep waking up at night?” at 3 a.m., I’m here to reassure you – waking at night well into their first, second, third (and more!!) years of life isn’t abnormal. In fact, all of us wake briefly between sleep cycles. If everything feels fine, we drift back to sleep. But if something’s off, like feeling too warm or thirsty, we might wake fully to adjust. (eg. kicking the covers off if we feel a bit warm, or taking a drink of water.)
Toddlers may fully wake to "check in" with you, to get some comfort or a drink, or simply because there’s some big stuff happening in their brains + bodies that they are processing!
The key is not to view these wake-ups as a problem in of themselves. But as an opportunity to be curious and explore what might be going on for them. What needs do they have that aren’t being met?
And please believe me when I tell you that responding and offering nurture and connection at night time does NOT mean you’re creating bad habits or creating a rod for your own back. You are infact giving them the most wonderful gift of supporting them to build lifelong sleep health + resilience!
Tips for night wakings:
Respond to their wakes and meet their needs at night just as you would during the day. This helps to build trust and feelings of security.
If you’re willing/able to, offering for them to co-sleep can be a great option to allow you all to get more rest. You could either camp out on a bed on their floor, consider transitioning them to a floor bed that you can also sleep on, or bring them into your bed if this is a safe option. You can always transition back to separate sleep when you’re ready.
Night Terrors vs. Nightmares: What’s the Difference?
If your toddler wakes up screaming but seems confused or inconsolable, you might be dealing with night terrors. These often happen during the deeper stages of sleep and can be distressing to witness, but your child likely won’t remember them.
Nightmares, on the other hand, happen during lighter sleep stages and may cause your child to wake up needing comfort.
Both are completely normal and are often tied to developmental changes, overtiredness, or stress.
How to help:
For night terrors, focus on being there as a calm presence and ensuring their safety, rather than waking them up. Waking them could mean additional confusion and stress.
For nightmares, comfort and validate their fears – “That sounds really scary. You’re safe now, and I’m here.”
Sleep timings can get a bit off around the time of nap drops! On days when no nap happens, aim for bedtime to be no later than 12 hours after they woke in the morning to help ensure they aren’t getting too overtired. Alternatively, you can try a short power nap in the car later in the afternoon to relieve some of the sleep pressure.
If your little one is frequently having night terrors or nightmares, and you also notice that they are breathing through their mouth, snoring, breathing noisily, choking or gasping it could be worth a visit to your GP to check for any airway issues.
Beating the Bedtime Battles
Ahhhh — bedtime battles — when your toddler becomes a master negotiator: “Just one more story!” “I’m thirsty!” “I need to check under the bed for monsters!”
These stalling tactics often signal a need for connection. Your toddler may be learning to assert their independence, but they still crave your closeness.
Bedtime taking a looooong time may also be a sign that they just arent quite tired enough for bed! If they are still napping, you may need to push bedtime back or start capping their nap (or both!) to make sure they’ve built up enough sleep pressure by bedtime.
Here’s how to make bedtime a little smoother:
Offer choices to give them a sense of control: “Would you like the dinosaur pyjamas or the tractor ones?”. “Which 2 books shall we read tonight”
Aim to a fairly consistent bedtime routine that helps them wind down and feel secure.
Be calm and consistent, even when they’re testing boundaries (easier said than done, I know!)
If bedtime is taking forever, notice what time they are actually going to sleep and aim to start supporting them to sleep 15-20 minutes before that.
Most importantly, remember that bedtime is about more than just sleep – it’s a chance to connect, build trust, and set the tone for peaceful nights ahead.
You’re Doing Better Than You Think
Toddler sleep struggles can leave you feeling like you’re running on fumes, but the fact that you’re here, reading this, shows how much you care. Remember, sleep is a journey, not a destination, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. The most important thing to remember is that by continuing to support + respond to your child’s needs, you’re helping them to build resiliency, forming their memories of love, security and comfort and regulate their nervous system.
If you feel like you can’t quite make sense of what’s going on for your toddler + you’d love some guidance to get through it, you can book in for a Troubleshoot Call.