Send help! My baby only wants to nap ON me.
It’s SO frustrating, isn’t it? You get everything set up for a nap in their crib, dream about allllll the things you’re going to do while they’re asleep — starting with that delicious cup of warm coffee. You get them to sleep, lay them down ever so gently, and slowly, slowly start to edge away... and BAM! They wake up.
It’s infuriating. It’s exhausting. And it’s also TOTALLY NORMAL.
So — here’s what I recommend when talking to parents who are looking to move away from contact naps.
Can you allow yourself to Embrace the Contact Naps?
Not long ago, your little one was nestled inside you, warm, cozy, and safe. Now they’re in a world that’s cold, bright, and a bit intimidating — unless they’re close to the place they know best: right next to your heartbeat and the gentle rise and fall of your breath. It’s no wonder they prefer sleeping on you!
If you’re feeling the pressure to put them down and “teach” independent sleep, let’s rethink that narrative. What if you weren’t doing anything wrong by letting your baby nap on you? Could you embrace it and enjoy that time?
Here are some ideas:
Prepare for the Nap: Set up with snacks, drinks, that book you’ve been wanting to read, or a new series to binge-watch.
Give Yourself Permission to Rest: Switch off the need to be “productive” and use this time to recharge, be with your baby, and do something you never usually find time for.
Also - know that a nap is a nap, wherever and however it happens! (please ignore the sleep training BS that tells you a nap only counts if it’s 2 hours long in their crib…!) Letting them nap on you is a beautiful bonding moment — it also gives you a perfect opportunity to slow down and care for yourself too.
Your Baby Carrier is Your New BFF
I get it. There are always things that need doing. So if your baby doesn’t want to be put down, a sling or carrier can be your best friend. Your little one gets the contact and closeness they need, and you get both hands free!
If You Really Need to Put Them Down...
If you’re ready to try putting your baby down for naps, here are some tips to make the transition smoother:
Start by building some “Sleep Associations”: Use sleep associations during contact naps that you can also use when putting them down in their sleep space. White noise, shushing, singing a specific song, or gentle bum patting can be introduced during contact naps and brought into their sleep space. These can help to make their crib feel more familiar and safe.
Begin with the First Nap of the Day: The first nap is often the easiest to get them down for, so start there!
Don’t put them down too soon!: Support them to sleep as you usually do, and hold them for 5–10 minutes after they’re asleep to ensure a they’re in a deeper sleep before you put them down. If you’re not sure — you can test by lifting their arm (if it drops, they’re in deep sleep) or pressing their palm (if they grasp, they’re not quite there yet).
Warm the Sleep Surface: Use a hot water bottle to warm their sleep surface before putting them down, so the cold doesn’t wake them. Always remove the bottle first and check for leaks!
Watch out for the Startle!: Lower your baby into the crib feet-first, followed by their bum, back, and head. Alternatively, place them on their side and then gently roll them onto their back. This reduces the startle reflex that can wake them.
Reassure Them with Your Touch: Keep a hand on your baby with firm pressure and a little movement (like bum patting, if that’s a familiar association). Slowly, slowly remove your hand when they’re settled!
Check Their Tiredness Level: Try to put them down when they’re tired enough - but not overtired! Observe when they typically go to sleep and aim to follow that timing. Both under- and overtiredness can make it harder for them to stay asleep after being put down.
Check the mouth is closed!: When babies sleep with their mouths closed and their tongues suctioned to the roof of their mouth, they are able to sleep more deeply. If their mouth is open, gently massage under their chin to help it close.
If you notice that your baby consistently sleeps with an open mouth, snores, has reflux symptoms, colic, a painful latch, or any other discomfort, it may be worth seeking help. You could start by contacting your GP, a pediatric cranial osteopath, or your local infant feeding team/lactation consultant. Or drop me a DM if you’re unsure where’s the best place to start!
Considered a Floor Bed?
If you’re finding that as babe gets older cot naps continue to be a constant struggle, a floor bed might be a good alternative. Cot bars create a physical separation between you and them which feels unfamiliar and can also make it harder for them to settle and stay asleep.
A floor bed can ease the transition away from contact naps by allowing you to lie next to your baby while they fall asleep, providing the comfort and security they want and need. This setup not only removes the challenge of transferring a sleeping baby into a cot, which often leads to waking, but it also allows you to model that the floor bed is a safe, restful space. If you’re not sure about committing to a floor bed, you can start by placing your baby’s cot mattress on the floor as a trial run. With proper baby-proofing and safety measures in place, a floor bed can be a gentle, effective solution for families facing frequent cot nap wake-ups.
Setting Realistic Expectations
When introducing independent sleep, try to set low expectations. Even if you follow every tip, your baby might wake sooner than they would on you. That’s okay. Each try helps them grow more familiar with their sleep space, and responding quickly when they wake reassures them that you’re close by.
Additional Resources
For more insights on nurturing sleep and supporting your baby’s development, I always recommend reading The Nurture Revolution by Greer Kirshenbaum, PhD. This book offers research-backed advice on nurturing brain development and attachment in babies, helping parents feel confident in responding to their child’s needs.
And of course always familiarise yourself with the safe sleep guidelines. The Lullaby Trust is the go-to for up to date evidence-based information on safe infant sleep practices and sleep patterns (Lullaby Trust).
With time and patience, your little one will become more comfortable in their crib. Trust your instincts, take it one step at a time, and remember you’re doing an amazing job supporting your baby’s needs.