Will I ever sleep again if I don’t sleep train?

The short answer? YES!

The long answer? YES, AND... sleep training isn’t something you have to do.

If you’re confident in your choice to sleep train and feel good about it, that’s great! Feel free to close this page.

But if the idea of sleep training feels uncomfortable and you wish there was another way, you’re in the right place—read on!

Why Sleep Training May Not Be Essential

The sleep training industry often pushes new parents to think they must train their babies to sleep independently (often involving letting them cry). They argue that without this, a baby will “never learn” to sleep on their own. But there are a few big holes in this argument. Let’s un-pick these...

1. Sleep is Not a “Skill” That Can Be Taught.
Sleep is a biological process, not a skill like reading or writing. Instead of viewing sleep ability as something to teach, it’s more accurate to compare it to milestones like walking or talking—things that babies develop naturally when they’re ready. While we can support them and help them feel secure, we ultimately can’t make them sleep independently or for long stretches before they’re developmentally ready.

2. A Stress-Free Environment is Key.
Even if sleep could be “taught,” an ideal learning environment wouldn’t be lying alone in a dark room in a state of stress. Babies (well, all humans!) learn best when they feel safe, calm, and connected, not dysregulated or distressed.

Why Frequent Waking is Normal (and Even Beneficial!)

In those early months, frequent night waking is not only common but beneficial. Here’s why:

• Hunger + Growth: Babies’ small stomachs mean they need to eat frequently, including at night. Night wakes support this, helping them get enough calories for healthy growth, brain development, and physical health.

• Breastfeeding Support: Night feeds are crucial for maintaining milk production, as prolactin levels (the milk-producing hormone) peak at night. Regular night feeds help establish a strong breastfeeding relationship.

• Bonding & Comfort: Each night wake offers more bonding time. Responding to your baby’s nighttime needs builds their sense of security and attachment, which is essential for emotional development.

• Brain Development: Babies spend more time in lighter sleep stages, where the brain is highly active. This lighter sleep supports critical brain development and processes the vast amount of new information they’re absorbing.

• SIDS Prevention: Frequent arousals may protect against Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) by preventing babies from entering deep, uninterrupted sleep, which can reduce SIDS risk.

Night waking is really normal even beyond those early months, continuing to provide many benefits well into toddlerhood.

I’d like to caveat this by saying that if you are consistently seeing VERY frequent waking (hourly or more), and are also noticing mouth breathing, snoring, incredibly restless sleep and frequent discomfort, there may be some underlying medical reasons for your frequent wakes which could benefit from further investivation.

Ok, so when will they actually start sleeping?!

Research shows that while sleep training can lead to temporary improvements in sleep onset and duration, these benefits often fade over time, with long-term sleep patterns becoming similar between sleep-trained and non-sleep-trained children.

For instance, Gradisar et al. (2016) and Sadeh et al. (2009) both found that by around 12-18 months, differences in sleep quality, frequency of night wakings, and overall sleep duration between sleep-trained and non-sleep-trained children were minimal. Studies by Pennestri et al. (2015) and Price et al. (2012) indicate that most babies will naturally consolidate their sleep in the first year without intervention, suggesting that sleep training isn’t necessary for long-term sleep development. Together, these findings imply that sleep training offers limited long-term benefits and that infants often reach similar sleep milestones on their own.

It’s also worth noting that studies by Middlemiss et al. (2012) and Pennestri et al. (2015) suggest that while sleep training can lead infants to stop signaling distress, it may not actually prevent them from waking or fulfill their underlying need for comfort. Additionally, sleep-trained infants often show signs of ongoing physiological stress, such as elevated cortisol levels, indicating that their stress responses may remain high even if they no longer cry out.

‘Teaching’ Your Baby to Sleep, Gently

“Teaching” sleep may look different than you’d expect. It’s not about forcing independence but about showing, guiding, and supporting them:

• When you consistently respond to night wakes, you’re teaching them that sleep is safe and that you’ll be there when they need you.

• Each soothing interaction teaches your baby that sleep isn’t something to fear—and they build a healthy relationship with rest.

• Babies comforted at night gradually learn emotional regulation. These night interactions teach them they can rely on you, fostering emotional resilience and trust.

The Bottom Line

YES, your baby will sleep through the night eventually, even if you do nothing! By consistently responding and offering support at night, you’re giving them all the tools they need to learn to sleep independently—when they’re developmentally ready.

And I’m not suggesting that responding to those wakes isn’t hard. Hard isn’t a heavy enough word to even begin describe what it feels like. But I promise you you’re capable of so much more than you realise. In those incredibly tricky stages, be sure to look after yourself in all the ways you can to help you feel more rested. Can you get to bed at the same time as your little one to maximise those overnight hours? Can you carve out a little time for some meditation or yoga nidra during the day? Can you prioritise nourishing foods that will support your wellbeing? Can you lean on anyone around you to support with childcare - or the mountain of other things that contribute to your tiredness levels! Can you cancel anything in the diary that it non-necessary? This is a season - it will pass. And one day you will have greater capacity and energy levels to stay up late and make big plans!

If your current sleep situation feels unsustainable, or if you suspect your baby’s waking pattern isn’t typical, there are often gentle adjustments you can make to encourage longer stretches of sleep without traditional sleep training. If you’d like some personalised support with your little one’s sleep, let’s have a chat to see how I can help.