Holistic Sleep Coaching vs Sleep Training: whats the difference?!
If you’re a parent or soon-to-be parent, you’ve likely heard about sleep training. You might see it as something you’ll ‘have to do’ to help your child sleep learn how to sleep. Or perhaps you’ve seen others do it and already know it’s not for you. Whatever your thoughts, it’s important to understand that sleep training isn’t your only option when faced with sleep challenges. If your baby or toddler is waking frequently through the night, resisting bedtime, or waking at 4 a.m., you might assume your choices are either sleep training or waiting it out. However, there are more gentle, responsive options—ones that don’t require leaving your baby to cry.
So - Firstly, What Is Sleep Training?
Sleep training gained popularity in the mid-20th century, largely influenced by behavioural psychology. Early advocates like Dr. Emmett Holt promoted the "cry it out" method in the early 1900s to encourage sleep independence. Later, Dr. Richard Ferber introduced his "Ferber Method" in the 1980s, which structured the approach further by encouraging parents to gradually reduce their involvement, allowing babies to cry for set periods before being comforted.
Sleep training typically involves teaching babies to fall asleep independently using structured routines and behavioural techniques, often involving controlled crying. The goal is for babies to sleep through the night without needing parental intervention. While this method can quickly establish a routine, it can feel uncomfortable for parents, as it involves ignoring one of the primary (only!) ways babies communicate—through crying.
Why I Don’t Recommend Sleep Training
Crying is your baby’s way of seeking comfort, and it’s natural, for us as their caregivers, to want to respond. Some research suggests that while sleep training may reduce how often a baby signals for attention during the night, it doesn’t necessarily stop them from waking. Instead, it teaches them not to signal their needs(Psychology Today)(Psychology Today). This means that babies may continue to wake up, but without calling for help, as they’ve learned not to expect a response. This can have implications for both emotional regulation and long-term trust between the baby and their caregiver. Furthermore, prolonged crying can elevate cortisol levels (the stress hormone), potentially affecting emotional development and stress regulation in the long term(NeuroLaunch.com)(Psychology Today).
A key focus of sleep training narrative is around getting children to SELF settle. SELF soothe. To sleep INDEPENDENTLY.
And I take issue with this… because it makes it feel as though our babies needing us and depending on us is somehow wrong? Is somehow not what nature intended? But our children are born long before they’re able to do anything for themselves. They are designed to depend on us. We are designed to be close to them.
There is a whole concoction of hormones involved in this beautiful dance between baby and caregiver. Oxytocin is released during skin-to-skin contact, breastfeeding, and cuddling, promoting feelings of trust and connection. Endorphins are released during contact, reduce stress and promote relaxation, enhancing the bonding experience. Serotonin increases during close contact, supporting mood regulation and overall happiness.
Closeness is what nature intended. Nurture is what our babies - and children need. And I believe that sleep training is depriving both babies and caregivers of this, making us feel wrong for following our instincts.
What Is Holistic Sleep Coaching?
Holistic sleep coaching takes a different approach. It’s gentler, more nurturing, and considers the importance of the attachment relationship, as well as the unique needs of your baby and family.
Rather than aiming for sleep independence as the primary goal, Holistic Sleep Coaching looks at the bigger picture—your baby’s emotional, physical, and developmental well-being.
Instead of asking How can we get them to sleep?, it focuses on Why are they struggling to sleep?
My method is all about education, investigation, and attunement. When working together, we explore:
Is your baby’s sleep actually normal for their age? Are your expectations realistic based on what you’ve read or been told?
Could there be any underlying discomforts such as nutritional deficiencies, allergies, or developmental milestones affecting their sleep? If so, who should you speak to for further investigation or support?
Is their daytime routine, including naps, supportive of a good night's rest?
Instincts and Evolution
As humans, we’re wired to respond to a baby’s needs—it’s in our DNA. Historically, babies were kept close, and crying signalled a need for immediate attention to ensure survival. Ignoring these cues, as recommended in some sleep training methods, can go against our natural instincts. Over time, this can cause parents to question their ability to respond appropriately to their baby’s needs.
Holistic sleep coaching embraces these instincts, encouraging parents to stay close and responsive. When babies receive comfort through closeness, they release oxytocin—the “love hormone.” This promotes relaxation, reduces stress, and deepens the bond between parent and baby. By staying connected, you can help your baby feel secure, which naturally fosters better sleep without distressing methods(Psychology Today)(Psychology Today).
The Science Behind Both Approaches
While Sleep Training may provide some short-term benefits, such as slightly longer stretches of sleep, its long-term effects are less certain. Some studies suggest that sleep training’s impact may fade after a few months, and there are concerns about the emotional toll it takes - on both parent and child - with elevated cortisol levels potentially affecting your child’s emotional development.
In contrast, Holistic Sleep Coaching focuses on long-term well-being by addressing emotional security and attachment. By creating a safe and supportive environment, babies can naturally develop healthy sleep habits without the risks associated with crying-based methods(Psychology Today).
Finding the Right Approach for Your Family
Both traditional Sleep Training and Holistic Sleep Coaching aim to help with sleep challenges, but they take very different paths. Sleep Training may offer quicker results, but it may come at the expense of the attachment relationship, emotional wellbeing and parental instincts. Holistic Sleep Coaching, on the other hand, focuses on understanding the root causes of sleep struggles, strengthening emotional bonds, and supporting your baby’s overall well-being.
I believe that sleep can be nurtured gently and without distress. If you’re looking for a compassionate, respectful and attachment-focused approach to sleep, I’d love to support you.
Sources:
Middlemiss, W., Granger, D. A., Goldberg, W. A., & Nathans, L. (2012). Asynchrony of mother-infant hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis activity following extinction of infant crying responses induced during the transition to sleep. Early Human Development, 88(4), 227-232. Link to study
Blunden, S., Thompson, K. R., & Dawson, D. (2011). Behavioural sleep treatments and night time crying in infants: Challenging the status quo. Sleep Medicine Reviews, 15(5), 327-334. Link to study
Gradisar, M., Jackson, K., Spurrier, N. J., Gibson, J., Whitham, J., Williams, A. S., & Kennaway, D. J. (2016). Behavioral interventions for infant sleep problems: A randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics, 137(6), e20151486. Link to study