I Think I’m Ready to Night Wean, But am Not Sure How to Do It!
Navigating toddler and child sleep is no small feat, and night feeding can be one of the trickiest parts to manage. If you’re reading this bleary-eyed at 3 am with a toddler attached to your hip (or chest) feeling ready to make a change, you’re in the right place.
If your little one is a milk-monster, you might be worried that the night weaning process will end up being an incredibly tearful, stressful, painful experience. But it really doesn’t have to be! It’s possible to night wean gently and respectfully. And you can continue to co-sleep, feed to sleep, comfort and support your little one as much as they need
Let’s talk about night weaning and how and when to do it, (hopefully without losing too much sleep.)
When is the Right Time to Start Night Weaning?
I recommend waiting until your little one is at least 12 months old before fully night weaning. Why? Because up until that age, solid foods are usually just a side dish to milk! Babies often get a good portion of their nutrition at night, and taking away those feeds too soon could potentially impact their growth and overall health.
That said, if your baby is under 12 months and you’re looking to reduce night feeds, start preparing for weaning, or just want to have a few strategies ready, you can absolutely start laying some foundations.
If your little one is 12 months + and you’re feeling ready to wean, but things are feeling especially rough right now (eg. your little one is waking constantly wanting to feed / wanting to stay permanently latched through the night), it probably means that they’re going through something. Perhaps they’re having a growth spurt, going through a big developmental leap, unwell or teething, so it might be best to hold off on major changes for now. Equally, I would recommend avoiding starting the night weaning process at the same time as other big changes happening in their lives (eg. starting daycare, the arrival of a new sibling etc). The weaning process is going to be a big adjustment for them and it’s ideal to embark on the journey at a time when things elsewhere are relatively stable and predictable.
Let’s Quickly Check in with Your Motivations
Before you decide to start night weaning, take a moment to check in with yourself and ask Why do you want to night wean?
Are you feeling overwhelmed or touched out from frequent night feeds? If so, firstly know that it’s completely understandable to feel this way, especially if you’re breastfeeding and doing the bulk of night care. Your comfort and wellbeing are just as important as your child’s.
Or, are you considering night weaning because you’ve heard it will stop your child from waking at night? If so, it’s important to note that night weaning doesn’t guarantee fewer night wakings. In fact, a quick feed is often the most reliable and effective way to get your child back to sleep quickly. So if you wean and your child continues to wake, you might find yourself without a go-to method for resettling them. You’ll want to have a good backup plan and be prepared for some trial and error as you find new ways to soothe your child.
Understanding your motivations can help you set realistic expectations and make choices that are right for your family. If you're feeling overwhelmed, maybe reducing the number of feeds rather than fully weaning is a good compromise. If you're hoping for longer stretches of sleep, know that while night weaning might help, it's not a guaranteed solution.
Getting Ready to Wean: Setting the Stage
Before you dive into night weaning, start to notice how much your child is feeding during the day. If they’re still having lots of milk throughout the day, it could be a good idea to set some boundaries there first. It’s much easier for children to accept a new rule when it’s daytime and they’re not overtired and cranky (and it’s easier for you to uphold them then too!)
Every family is unique, so these steps might look different for you, but here are some ideas to get you started:
Make a Plan: Create a daytime feeding plan, which could look something like: a morning feed, a nap-time feed, and a bedtime feed. Aim to stick to these times as much as possible, and if your little one asks for more feeds outside of these times, offer a drink, a cup of milk, a snack, or some good old distraction - as well as lots of support and comfort - instead. I’d also recommend communicating what is happening with your child, even if you don’t think they’re old enough to quite grasp it. Involving them in the process and explaining reasons why it’s happening can be really supportive of the process.
Start to Shorten Feeding Times: If your child is still feeding for long stretches, aim to gently start shortening these feeds. This can be especially helpful for breastfeeding parents whose little ones like to latch on for hours. You could aim for shorter, 5-10 minute feeds, followed with some exciting snacks or cups of milk to distract afterwards.
Review the Sleep Setup: If you’re room-sharing or have a particular sleep setup, think about whether you want to change this before you start night weaning. You can absolutely continue to co-sleep or room share with your little on during + after night weaning, but it’s important to consider if there are other changes you may like to make at some point in the future, and work out which order makes the most sense. Make sure you do whatever feels right for you and your family!
Some people suggest that ‘mum should go away for the weekend’ in order to make the night weaning process easier. But I don’t quite agree with this. Of course, you may be in a situation where you are having to go away for a few days, in which case it may naturally speed up the process! But intentionally leaving in order to wean means that your little one is having to deal with their milk not being there AND their breastfeeding parent not being there at the same time, which is a lot for them to deal with. If you are able to support them through the weaning process and find new ways to soothe and comfort them, it can be a gentler process for the both of you.
What to Expect When Night Weaning
Let’s clear one thing up: night weaning doesn’t always mean fewer night wakings. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. So it’s a good plan to have an alternative way to reliably (ish!) get your little one to settle back to sleep without a feed.
It might take some time for everyone to adjust, and that’s okay. Progress isn’t always straightforward—there might be some bumps along the way - or you may decide after starting the process that one of you actually isn’t quite ready! Give yourself grace, and allow yourself to trust your instincts.
You may notice that your little one seems a bit more clingy during the daytimes and needs a bit more comfort & connection. Don’t be afraid to lean into that and give them the support they need as they navigate this huge transition. You may also feel as though you are needing more closeness with them during the day given that you’re not having the same 1:1 time overnight!
If your little one gets upset when they’re not offered the breast or bottle, remind yourself that this isn’t the same as leaving them to cry it out alone. Crying in itself is a heathy release and a natural response to change or things not going the way they are used to. You can be there to validate their emotions and support them every step of the way.
As night feedings decrease, your prolactin and oxytocin levels drop, so you may notice that you start feeling a little more emotional, irritable or ‘down’ than usual (some people report a similar experience to the ‘baby blues’ they felt after giving birth). Additionally, if your period hasn’t already returned, night weaning may trigger it’s return.
Still want to continue Feeding to Sleep?
The good news is that you don’t have to stop feeding to sleep if you don’t want to! Depending on your goals, you can continue feeding to sleep as you reduce or completely wean off night feeds. Every child is different - and some may find it more confusing to still feed to sleep but not overnight. But trust your instincts. You know your little one best, and you get decide what is right for you and for them.
How to do it!
There’s no one-size-fits-all method for night weaning. Here are a few different strategies that you can choose from:
1. Drop One Feed at a Time
How It Works: Gradually eliminate night feeds by focusing on one feed at a time. Use alternative soothing methods, such as patting, rocking, cuddling or singing to replace the feed. You may notice that the wake no longer continues to happen after a few nights without feeding. After one feed has been dropped successfully, you can then move on to the next at a speed that feels good to you.
Who It’s For: This method may work well for children with a predictable night feeding pattern or those who take longer to adapt to changes.
2. Following the Clock
How It Works: Set a schedule that gradually extends the intervals between feeds. For example:
Week 1: No feeds before 10 pm
Week 2: No feeds before midnight
And so on...
Who It’s For: This may work best for children who feed frequently throughout the night without a specific pattern. This approach can be adjusted in pace according to the child's response.
3. Timed Feeds
How It Works: If your child feeds on demand throughout the night, you can set specific times for feeds and aim to gradually reduce the duration of each feed.
Who It’s For: This may work well for children who are attached to the boob for most of the night! It can help to create a predictable routine while setting boundaries.
4. Cold Turkey
How It Works: Stop all night feeds at once. Be sure to communicate what is happening to your little one well in advance (I found that reading books like “Booby Moon” and “Nursies when the Sun Shines” together for a few weeks before stopping really helped get him on board with the idea) and have some water on hand for them to drink instead if they wake up thirsty. Offer lots of cuddles and support through this transition.
Who It’s For: This approach may work well for children who are likely to get more confused or upset by a gradual method.
Weaning from the Bottle
If your little one is feeding from the bottle overnight, you can still use any of these night weaning techniques to reduce or stop overnight feeds. Reducing the quantity of milk in each bottle gradually can often be a logical first step.
I hope these tips help you find a path that works for you and your child. Remember, every child is different, and what works for one might not work for another. Trust yourself, stay flexible, and know that you’re doing an amazing job!
And if you desire some moral support whilst night weaning, you can book in for a Confidence Call where we can come up with a plan together!